Sometimes...

Sometimes, when I slice cheese for a sandwich, I worry about splitting a cheese atom and blowing my hand off.

I know my blogging's been shit lately. I'm just not quite up to it. Maybe later. If you want to make me feel better, to encourage me, you can try buying stuff from me. Who knows, it could be your bid that gives me the confidence to read "Sonic Disruptors" or Jim Shooter's "Fatale." It's win-win, people. You get a handful of "Marvel Two-In-One," and I spout off about the "Battle Royale" comics. And Supreme will stop crying.

America needs your help!

Comics I Shouldn't Own:
Supreme v. 2, #1

Creator/Writer/Inker:
Rob Liefeld
Penciler/Writer/Color Design:
Brian Murray

Todd MacFarlane's Spawn was, for all its faults, and for its time, a slick, well-produced comic. Supreme was also a comic.

*sigh*

Rob Liefeld. I've touched on his "creations" before, but perhaps the best element of his Image/Awesome/Extreme work is the "who's that guy supposed to be?" game. Not much of a game, true. Supreme's... inspiration is fairly clear. The fun part with the other guys, though — you ever take your GI Joes apart and reassemble them to make new guys? I don't think Rob's creations even took that much effort; most of 'em seem like repaints.

The Youngblood Button is pushed to summon the team. (Not pictured: Strikeforce Morituri Switch, Sonic Disruptors Knob.)

Supreme's different, though. See, he's old, and Superman, he's not old, nuh-uh. And everyone knows who Superman is, but the guys in Youngblood don't recognize Supreme at all, except the ones who do. That's deep and interesting, not to mention compelling, because we don't find out why that is in this issue. And if serial fiction has taught us anything, the best way to keep people coming back for more is to not tell them a goddamn thing.

He is Supreme. Also, lensflare.

It's also a classic example of What's Wrong With Comics. Some guy shows up, a bunch of guys confront him, we're not told who any of them are or given any background info, no indication of who these government guys tracking Supreme's arrival are, nothing. Youngblood takes him in, I guess. One of them says "whoa there, guy, sorry for whuppin' up on ya, but can we take you in for scans, please?" I mean, at some point the government guys are scanning him and everything is "off the charts" or off the hook" or "in the heezy for sheezy," or something. And one science lackey says something that may account for Rob's erratic art, at least as far as Supreme is concerned: "His height, weight, and mass seem to be in a constant state of multi-level fluxuation." That's right, "fluxuation." I hereby proclaim all interpanel changes of character designs and anatomy in the art of Rob Liefeld to be known from this day forward as "fluxuation."

They're your one-way ticket to midnight.

At the end, Supreme bolts away, and a mysterious guy (something like the third mysterious guy in the book) mysteriously reveals a mysterious team called "Heavy Mettle." One is the Hulk with a triceratops head, one is Mer-Man, another is Luke Cage with a tiny, tiny hammer, and the last is a generic fellow I like to call Leroy. And then Supreme cries. All that fluxuation must cause severe body pains.

*sniffle*

NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH: Alan Moore's work on Supreme, which I've not read yet, anyhow. A look inside the cover of this comic shows that it was published during Image's partnership with Malibu. Considering how early in the days of Image Supreme volume 2 came out, I have to wonder what happened to volume 1. Supreme's tears might tell us all we need to know. Abandoning projects makes them cry, Rob.

Things and such

I caught Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy Friday night — first time I’ve caught a movie opening night in I-can’t-say-how-long. It’s a good movie. Not great, but good, definitely watchable, buoyed a great deal by the performances. Sam Rockwell as Zaphod definitely brought up the average; I’d forgotten what a tool Zaphod is, and he definitely brought that out. It felt to me a whole lot like Sam Rockwell as Jeff Bridges as The Dude as Zaphod. Nothing much wrong with that. (Lots of folks are going to say “He’s George W. Bush!” — and kind of, he is. Rereading the book last night you notice Zaphod’s tendency to be in the right place at the right time despite any apparent short-comings.)

It’s nice to see the Henson Creature Shop still getting work, what with George Lucas abandoning the real world for CGI. The other effects were just as great, the presentation of the Guide itself incredible and hilarious, and the very simple representation of the Heart of Gold’s Improbability Drive cracked me up. I also want a toasting knife very badly.

The ending stinks, though. Compared to all the shit they went through to get to that point, having the Vogons shooting at them again seems terrifically ho-hum. And Marvin saves the day at the end of the book, so shut up about that, already. And if you’re going to have a plot about some guy wanting some gun, please consider resolving it at some point. I would have sworn the movie had another half hour to go when it stopped.

I’ve seen more than one person on the internerd complain about the Vogon ships, more specifically, how no one says anything about them being like bricks. Look, that’s descriptive narrative. Motion pictures have these pictures, see, that make a lot of that stuff redundant. It’s what kept the Lord of the Rings movies from being any more than 10 hours long. If you think someone in a movie needs to, and can, say something like “The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't,” you’re a dumbass. No matter how clever and hilarious that is, it really has no place in a movie.

But yeah. Good movie, some great performances, and well done, unobtrusive effects. I like it. And a lot of folks seemed to have seen it over the weekend. It always shocks me just how many nerds and geeks there are.

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Check out this mushroom house Amelie made.

Consider me jealous. She’s really good at this stuff — not that you’d know from asking her about it, but she is. And I’m terrifically proud of her, especially for dealing with a less-than-stellar professor and still managing to do as well as she did. Also, mushrooms are awesome.

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In other news, buy my stuff. There’s a nice chunk of stupid ol’ Marvel Two-In-One in there. (I kept the earlier issues ‘cause it’s Steve Gerber. Sorry.)